Gamers and Dating

I’m going to come out and say it, dating blows. It’s a lot of work and more often than not it’s pretty disappointing.

But then there are those dates that truly uplift your spirits as you enjoy the company of someone who is interested in you.

Today I’d like to give some advice to all gamers out there about dating. I read this great book called “The Geek’s Guide to Dating” by Eric Smith to help me in my endeavors today. Smith portrayed some great ideas about dating in general as well as for those who are looking for a compatible player two.

Finding That Player Two

1. Know who you are, even in the most basic sense. Smith states, “It is incredibly important to get to know yourself and figure out what you want before you started dating. Otherwise, you’re just going to end up wasting time. Example: Most of the drama that the characters in the Final Fantasy series go through could be avoided if only they knew who they were and what they were looking for. True, that drama makes gaming interesting, but IRL who need the aggravation?"

2. I can agree to this whole heartedly. Let me tell you a little story. Three years ago I was tired of feeling like I had to put myself out there for some guy to notice me. It was stressful and irritating, especially when I would try my hardest and no one would be interested in me. Boo. So instead, I focused on improving myself. I started to care less about boys and more about how I could be happy without the need for affection. Eventually, that confidence and self-worth started to show outwardly. People noticed and started to become my friend. One such friend became my loving husband. Don’t stress about finding the one. It’s sometimes better to focus on yourself.

3. Have an open mind. This goes for both men and women. Setting the bar so high that no one on the planet earth will reach it is frustrating for both you and those who wish to get to know you. Smith tells of geeks who are constantly searching only for damsels in distress and ladies with geek lingo. Give yourself some more options because adventure is out there! Also, date the person, don’t save them. You’re not there to fix them and they are not there to fix you. If you’re looking for a “fix me” relationship, I’m here to tell you it won’t last once that problem is fixed.

4. Connect in more ways than one. So you both like Star Wars. Great! However, if that’s all you ever talk about, and you don’t find out about other hobbies, or dare I mention their personalities, that date or relationship won’t last. The Gamer and I didn’t start off our relationship with video games (I know, shocking). He and I both expressed our love for The Beatles. He made me a CD with their songs I hadn’t heard of, and a few weeks later we went to a Beatles tribute concert on campus. Better yet, The Gamer made a bingo game out of the date. Whoever won took the other out for frozen yogurt. I loved that we were able to find one thing that could connect us. After that we still talked about The Beatles, but we also found out more about each other as we came up with other activities that were not Beatles related.

5. Smith says, “As you’re trying to merge your geek life and your love life, it’s important to remember you can’t force the person you’re dating to connect with your interests in the exact way that you want her to. If you’re an autobot and she’s an aerialbot, you can’t expect her to suddenly transform into a ground-based vehicle. But you can still bond over your mutual love of administering beat down to Decepticons. Be respectful, be patient, be open to learning about her pastimes. And be realistic: it isn’t the end of the world if your new love isn’t 100 percent invented in your geeky passion. Remember you are more than your hobbies.” All I can say to this is amen and amen.

After You Beat the Dating Game

Here are just a couple of tips for when you do find your awesome companion. These are from my point of view as a gamer’s wife.

• Let your geek have his geek time. What I mean is let him freak out over Mega Man joining Smash Bros. Let him play a couple of hours of Final Fantasy (especially if you’ve been on Pinterest for a couple of hours too). He’ll come back to you. I promise.

• Indulge each other. He gets you expensive flowers and books; you get him that new 3DS game coming out.

• Don’t back seat game, for the love of all that’s good and holy. Sit there patiently or leave the room. They’ll find their way eventually.

• Have your own hobbies. I play volleyball and get out of the house once a week to play it. It’s a great way to relax. Separation from your significant other once in while creates a need to want to be with them again. I don’t care how in love you are, you’ll want to have some alone time too.

If you want more geeky dating advice, check out Eric Smith’s book. You can buy it on Amazon or check out your local library. I found myself giggling from all of the geeky references and all of the dating advice for all geeky, guys and gals alike.

See you next week!